Mary, Crown Princess of Denmark
Karin Palshoj & Gitte Redder
London, Allen&Unwin, 2005
Because she believed what her mother had told her, she kissed the frog. He turned into Frederik, the Crown Prince of Denmark. The next morning he asked her to marry him, which she did.
What her mother didn't tell her is that if you marry a once were frog, you end up in a leadership position. So she's on a learning curve. And she's doing well.
But who is she? And what can she teach us about what it takes to become a leader?
Mary Elizabeth is the youngest of the four children of John and Etta Donaldson. Her fairy tale story, which is well told by Palshoj and Redder, is short and sweet.
From a leadership perspective, Palshoj and Redder get going in chapter five, a chapter on going to princess school. A chapter that raises an unanswerable question that's difficult to resist. Are leaders born or made? Did Mary Elizabeth Donaldson come into the world on 5 February 1972 with everything it takes to be a leader? Or did she begin learning to be a leader only when she and Frederick were officially engaged on 8 October 2003?
As it stands, the way I've posed the problem is absurd.
In 1972, she couldn't speak English or Danish. She still had to learn all the things one learns at school and at university and working for an advertising agency. Also the things one learns by playing the piano, the flute and the clarinet.
And what one learns from playing games. Team games like basketball and lacrosse and field hockey. Individual competitions like swimming for one's school or riding one's horse. Finally, there are the things one learns in a marriage and from being a mother. Both of which are good environments for learning to be a leader.
OK. So let me try again. How about this more sophisticated formulation of the problem?
In 1972, when she came into the world, did she have everything it takes to LEARN what she has learned? Or was she taught to have what it takes to learn how to be a leader? In other words, how many of the qualities that people ascribe to Mary aren't innate? Things like her competitiveness, her determination, her curiosity, her reliability, her emotional intelligence? How many of these traits are qualities her parents and some of her peers and colleagues gave her or helped her to acquire?
So, now we have three options.
Leaders are born. Leaders are made by the environment in which they live before they become leaders. Leaders are made by being taught how to be leaders in the same sort of way that tennis players are taught to be tennis players.
Because we aren't yet smart enough to do a DNA analysis of Mary's genetic inheritance, we simply don't know what was there on 2 February 1972. The book on Mary's life - both before she was engaged to Frederik and subsequently - give us lots of evidence for the other two options.
Having parents that affirmed what she wanted to do instead of insisting on what they wanted her to do, helped to give her confidence in herself and fired her ambition. Having a horse helped her to develop all kinds of qualities. Like the courage to trust her horse in a jump. The discipline and patience for performing in the dressage. The ability to work with people of all ages and across gender differences.
Going to princess school also has left its mark. Mary has learned the language of Denmark Inc., both literally and metaphorically. Things like the body language that goes with being a royal instead of a commoner. The ability to retain one's privacy while belonging to a country. The ability neither to encourage nor to offend the media.
Both lists point towards how Mary has learned and is learning to be a leader. They point to qualities and behaviours that fuel her visits to places like disadvantaged migrant areas, as well as to her participation in an anti-bullying program for schools. In particular, they point to the values that created the Mary Foundation. It has two major aims. To advance cultural diversity. And to assist people who aren't part of a community because of circumstances which isolate or exclude them - like ethnicity or illness.
So, does what I've mentioned, as well as what I don't have the space to mention, settle the question? Have her experiences in the 30 years before she and Frederik were engaged, as well as the seven years she's been in the princess school, made her a leader?
Yes. Mary has spent 37 years learning how to be the leader she is and is becoming. Some of the learning was explicit. Most of it was implicit.
And yet, a worry remains. Because we don't know what her genetic inheritance was, perhaps she has learned what has made her a leader only because she was born with what it takes to learn what she has learned!
That, for what it's worth, is my bet.
Some of us have been fortunate enough to be born without the leadership gene. Without the gene that gives us the energy and the ambition to learn the things that have made Mary a leader. In other words, all sorts of people and experiences - from your parents to the people in HR departments to books - can teach you how to kiss a frog. But only if you aren't born with froggy-phobia.
James Moulder (plato@sims.com.au) is a retired business school academic who lives in Melbourne, Australia. His hobbies are theology and poetry.
James Moulder (plato@sims.com.au) is a retired business school academic who lives in Melbourne, Australia. His hobbies are theology and poetry.
Please note that the Palshoj and Redder book was published in 2005. For information on what has happened since, I drew freely on what's at
